Oddity

I find it odd that some of my good freinds and I are in some pretty shitty times. I don't know their situations very well, but i know enough to know they are not well.

To relieve some of this depression I guess I'll spill out what is going on with me. Its just small things that have been building.

1) My computer broke and its going to cost a lot to fix it.
2) I got new tires and tubes for my bike. My step dad's tire pressure guage is broken and I exploded my new tubes.
3) My best friends have been on tour for the past 3 months.
4) My relationship with my step dad is good when we don't talk. Yesterday he blew up on me because I used up the shaving cream (I ment to put another can in the bathroom) and bbq sauce (Which I didn't use up. I've been in a hot sauce rage).
5) Tonight my light fell of my bike on my way home from work. When I went to go get it a car ran it over.
6) I've had a really bad kink in my neck all day which has enabled me to turn my head right.
7) 1/3 of our freezer section at work broke. I spent all night and part of the morning taking everything out and putting it in the big freezer.
8) I haven't done much, but get up and go to work.
9) I've become apart of the American Debt Society by taking out a student loan.
10) The only person I spill my heart out to has been in India for two weeks. I haven't been able to talk to her.

I don't know. I'm depressed. Hopefully I'll snap out of it by tomorrow morning like usual. God hates me.

Reference

Yes a reference. This is a reference post, but to what you may ask? Well in the late hours of a Florida day I put up a post on Facebook. I don't remember quite what I said, but it was something about toasting a Cliff Bar. Thus this idea stuck in my mind for days, until I finally got one at a gas station on my way home Saturday night.

Here is the story unfolding...


The story begins at about 1am Saturday night at Nathan Walters' house. As you can see here, the crunchy peanut butter Cliff Bar was about to meet its toasty friend... the toaster!


The Cliff Bar began toasting in the toaster as seen above. I cannot tell you why the toast is a neon green in this. It may be because the light socket behind it was neon green, but what the hell do I know? This was a daring move for me. I mean come on Cliff Bars are not exactly cheap, but they sure as hell are good. Did I ruin it? Did I toast it? Did I lose it forever?


Rule #1) Do not put a Cliff Bar in a conventional toaster. A toaster oven or microwave maybe, but not an upright "I pop up when I'm done" toaster. It was hell trying to get it out of there. The Cliff Bar started to melt rather than become crispy like I had hoped it would. Part of the bar had stuck to the bottom of the toaster. Very inconvenient. Never the less the eat was good. Chris Kee found the taste to be bad for some reason. Hey, I thought it tasted like hot crunchy peanut butter that had some melting going on. Then again, what the hell do I know?


But before the Cliff Bar made its last endeavor into my stomach, we decided to be immature 19 year olds (With the exception of Nathan who is 17). By golly we turned that Cliff Bar into what any teenage this decade would do. That is turn it into a reference of a piece of hot shit. I swear I make more references to a piece of poop than most people actually take one. As you can see Chris put in his thumbs up as a sign of approval so that young children may read and/or see these pictures.

This ones for you toasted, but melted Cliff Bar/ imitation piece of hot shit. I finish my glass of orange juice for you. For you brought Chris, Nathan, and I a good five minutes of joy.

Tales From the Dairy Case

So I have been working for Winn Dixie in the grocery department for almost a year now. There are horror stories and lore of magic going down in that little store. However, one story continues to rest itself every time I work. No, not Deja Vous, but a sick twisted mind that is oh so cleaver.

I call the person the Gustafson!

Everyday I come in I find an empty to a "one last sip to go" bottle of Gustafson's chololate milk. The bottle is about 16oz in weight, give or take an overload or error.


Now I don't mind that the person is stealing some chocolate milk. I mean come on, chocolate milk is pretty awesome. It combines two of the most sacred things: Milk (A common household beverage) and Chocolate (A plague of sweetness in your mouth that may or may not bring sexual arousal-ness).

What I care about is that its GUSTAFSON'S MILK!!!!! Have you seen the picture on the bottle!?!?! Its mad! Please excuse my picture taken from my phone, it does not take the sheer terror into focus.

See the rather plump older gentlemen behind his wife in the seal. The man's face reads "I beat my wife with a baseball bat of money, while drinking my own fatty milk!" Then the wife, so skinny and unhappy to the eye of the beholder. Then if you take a detour out of the seal you see the cattle from which the milk comes from. Yes yes, we see it now. Get your best cow in the picture! All the others are too week to stand from being underfed! Maybe thats why the milk tastes so darn rich? Its not vitamin D added, but malnurisment added!

But hey I could be wrong. Heck, I haven't had that kind of milk in years. Since I have gone vegan, I don't even remember what milk really tastes like.

On a sour note ending, "Up yours Mr. Gustafson!"

Lies to Flush

Since I've been home from Guatemala I haven't done much. I went and saw Trash Talk play the day after I got home. That was a good welcome home for me anyway. Other than that I've been working like crazy.

I put my convincing lies to the test and called Tommy Cantwell. I told him that I went sky diving a few days ago. now the only way to make this story true is by adding shit into the conversation. So I said

Instructer- You ready to go?

Me- No!

Instructer- What? Go? Okay!

Then I told him I got so scared that I shit my pants a little bit froma ll the adrenaline I was experiencing from the jump. Tommy believed me haha.

Here is a drawing of the happy moments of working at Winn Dixie/ Dirty Dixie/ Winn DickMe... enjoy.

In other news, I should be buying some mustache handlebars for my fixed gear soon. They look comfortable and I figured I would try them out. With that being said I believe I should grow out my handlebar mustache I had the beginning on senior year in high school.

The steps I will take:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2070325_grow-handlebar-mustache.html

Under The Rock

Well I've been back from Guatemala for almost two weeks now. The last weekend there destroyed everything inside of my bowels. I am still feeling a little bit of the affects of the pasta.

*Note to everyone: Never eat pasta in Central America

I'd draw something or write more, but I am far to lazy.

Its my day off.

Oh Lando

Chris and I decided to make a trek to Orlando. The last time we did this via bicycle was back in December for TIFY Fest. This trip was long overdue and we had yet to ride our fixies that far.
Chris and I took a breather just getting into Sanford. We took a long hard gander at the river below us. I contemplated jumping for the sheer joy of doing it. Chris would have liked to see me die.
This is Chris and I just getting into Longwood. We decided to stop here and talk each other out of suicide. If your not familiar with Longwood along 17-92 I'll tell you its pretty shitty. Not much to see and more broken bottles to avoid than redneck outing. The only thing keeping us alive were the nice smoothies we enjoyed in Lake Mary at Maui Smoothies. I had a peanut butter, chocolate, and banana smoothie. Chris had something with pomergantie if I remember correctly.
Chris and I ran in Mario while in either Casselberrry or Winter Park. We had to high tail it from some Koopa Troopas. They were lean, mean, green turtle shell hucking machines. I was suprised Mario could keep up with us while we were "fixing it" (lol) at about 30mph.
Chris and I had finally reached Orlando. It took us about 3 1/2 hours counting out breaks that we took. I don't think it was too bad on time either. We went to meet up with Dylan and Cy at Tijuana Flats. We were graced with the presents of some of their friends as well. There was a little secret passing going around the table to unveil a surprise. The secret was to all sing Morgan happy birthday. Chris twisted the version of the story to bash me like usual. He then corrected the secret being passed around the table. After Tijuana Flats we parted ways with Morgan and friends and headed to Dyland and Cy's house for some "alone time."
Chris is now contemplating plastic surgery to look like Bert of Sesame Street to get the ladies. I prefer to look like shit.

Lukes Favorite Thing

So this past weekend there was a vegan potluck before a Kingdom show in Daytona. I decided to whip up something nice for everyone.

I had a few bananas in the freezer that I was saving to make some banana bread. I converted to a vegan diet the that week, so I thought it was going to be a treat.

That night I gathered some supplies from work to make the bread. I found out the only thing I needed to buy was sugar that wasn't refined through bone char and applesauce. Along with that I got nutmeg, baking soda, and some wheat flour. I didn't need any of that. I need to open my eyes more in the cupboards.

I found a recipe online and began to make some bread. The first batch looked a little dry so I doubled the applesauce size. Still looked a little dry.

Once it came out it looked like this...

I made a huge mistake. This doesn't look good at all haha. My mother couldn't help just try a piece. She then spit it out and said it taste just like baking soda. My dyslexic eyes read 3/4 cup of baking soda instead of 3/4 teaspoon. I know... I'm an idiot.

I threw that thing away. It did take the nasty smell out of my garbage barrel. I was going to give it to Chris Kee as a joke, but I didn't feel like putting in my backpack and taking it to him.

I then made some more bread and did it the right way. It looked like this...

Holy shit, let me tell you, this was good as hell. I took it to Chris' house and then to the show. I asume it was good to everyone else since I only got a small piece of it.