To Be

Alone.
Thats something I'm wanting right now.
Just fill a backpack and ride away on my bike.
I don't know where I'll sleep or what I'll eat.
I feel like this a lot.
Like I need to do this someday.
Maybe more than once.
I hate being tame.
Is this a coming of man instinct I have?
No freinds.
No phones.
No lovers.
No computers.
No parents.
No teachers.
No one, but me.
It would be nice to go somewhere where I can't name one person.
I'd leave a note, so they wont worry for my death so much.
I don't care where and I have no reason why.
I just want solitude for a minute.
A month.
A year.
Why?
Is it so I can know what its like to really be loved and known?
I doubt it.
Is it to cherish what I have and own?
Most likely not.
Sometimes I just want to be alone.
Not in my room.
Not in my town.
And maybe not this state.
Maybe I'm trying to find God or maybe just myself.
But this is what I want.
Just to leave.
Maybe for just and hour.
Or a year.
I don't care.
I just need it.

A Poem A Song A Story

A cup of sacred blood
Washed down with a bottle of cheer
She's just hiding
From nights of wasted time
You can't leave because of the fear
There's no talking
At least not here
God cut her in half like he did with Jerusalem
A song from the heart
She believed it from the start
She's just claiming
The strife in her mind
She believes nows the right time
Cause shes been lying
God cut her in half life he did with Jersusalem
No
God cut me in half like he did with Jerusalem

'Bout time

Matt Label is a new kind of genius. The kind that thinks something is so funny before he can even get it down on paper. That is what happened when Matt decided to draw me. From the top of my bike hat to the tip of my scooter. I actually rode one this past weekend, but thats besides the point. I love the "Cowa bunga" reference. Last week consisted of us repeating "10 years ago" in a horrible Matster Splinter voice. The amount of lawn like leg hair is in great detail and sub-humanly correct. Yes, the Sub-Humans. The Volume 33 is a mystery to me, unless there are 32 other drawings of me floating around. Which would be creepy, but awesome. My "Vegan 4L" tattoo doesn't actually exist, however I am now debating on geting it when Matt drew it. I can't get over the "Jay Leno Chin." Its far too great and I should have one in reality. I've never warn a fanny pack, but I see that they are in fashion. I should get one to be cool. I thought my left left was broke to the side, but apparently I am "getting air" and kicking my legs out? All without the slightest bit of amusment as we see in my face. I haven't ever been able to draw something so good in my life. that is unless you count the Anhinga I drew for jessica Reddy last year. It was a masterpiece.

Thank you Matt Label. Your drawing it wonderful.
I don't know if I spelt your name right, but shit man I tried.

Man-oh-man

I had a tear roll down my face the other day. I haven't had that happen in at least six years. I'm not going to tell you my sad story of why I can't cry, but of something beautiful that caused that single tear to emerge from my right eye.



I'm a big fan of Current TV. I thank and love my girlfriend Michelle for showing it to me. The channel has some of the best stories of struggles in the US and around the world. Racial, poverty, the good, and the bad, all on one channel.



I flipped on the channel to do my usual watching. An hour long segment of the Gay Rights battle in the US was on. I am a very big supporter in the Gay Rights movement, it was a must to watch. I had never really watched much on TV about the struggle. This was mainly due to the fact I had no idea of this station and it wasn't covered to keep my interest on others.



I watched every minute of each states struggle to get the rights that gay and lesbian couples deserve. I saw the Christians, Muslims, Jews, and every other protester out there with their signs. "God Hates Fags" and everything else. I grew extremely outraged when I saw these. As usual in TV the "Happy part" came to calm the supporters down. It showed many gay and lesbian couples going and getting their marriage licenses in Massachusetts. It was followed by other couples' stories and getting their licenses in the states that failed to pass the gay marriage ban. At the end it added the defeats that Gay Rights had in the last election, but hope for a better tomorrow.

Seeing the look on these couples faces was seriously incredible. If anyone ever doubts that they are in love, and think that attraction between same genders is impractical, you are dead wrong. After all what do we know about love anyway? Love can not be explained in any way shape or form. No book can write the words of love, but you feel it. The idea of gay marriage is not to tarnish the very foundations of marriage, but to have almost all the same rights as married couples. Gay and lesbian couples cannot get out of work if a lover is dying. I find that to be the worst among the rights they don't have. The state wont recognize their love. What devastation that would bring if it ever happened to me. I thought about what it like to have that same scenario play with my girlfriend Michelle and I. That right there was what made me shed a tear.

Now the last time I checked this was a country that had separation of Church and State. The people across the United States fail to realize this. They can't swallow their religious pride long enough to see that this is a constitutional right. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't one of the 10 Commandments "Obey the law of the land?" If this is certainly a constitutional right then why is this happening? They just want rights not the blessing or the tarnishing of any God or gods.

Two more things I'd like to share on this rant:

1) I made a promise to myself a while ago that if gay and lesbian couples cannot have the same rights I can, then I choose not to have them. Once all 50 states have a civil union or gay marriage of some kind, I will consider being married.

2) A friend of mine made fun of this vow I have taken. His exact words were "Why would you want to do that, gay people are pretty much everything bad in the world." I can't tell you how much ignorance and disgustingness is in that sentence. By his God's way all sin is punishable by death. There is no scale of sin you are put on. Your either a sinner or Jesus/God.

Fin.

Oddity

I find it odd that some of my good freinds and I are in some pretty shitty times. I don't know their situations very well, but i know enough to know they are not well.

To relieve some of this depression I guess I'll spill out what is going on with me. Its just small things that have been building.

1) My computer broke and its going to cost a lot to fix it.
2) I got new tires and tubes for my bike. My step dad's tire pressure guage is broken and I exploded my new tubes.
3) My best friends have been on tour for the past 3 months.
4) My relationship with my step dad is good when we don't talk. Yesterday he blew up on me because I used up the shaving cream (I ment to put another can in the bathroom) and bbq sauce (Which I didn't use up. I've been in a hot sauce rage).
5) Tonight my light fell of my bike on my way home from work. When I went to go get it a car ran it over.
6) I've had a really bad kink in my neck all day which has enabled me to turn my head right.
7) 1/3 of our freezer section at work broke. I spent all night and part of the morning taking everything out and putting it in the big freezer.
8) I haven't done much, but get up and go to work.
9) I've become apart of the American Debt Society by taking out a student loan.
10) The only person I spill my heart out to has been in India for two weeks. I haven't been able to talk to her.

I don't know. I'm depressed. Hopefully I'll snap out of it by tomorrow morning like usual. God hates me.

Reference

Yes a reference. This is a reference post, but to what you may ask? Well in the late hours of a Florida day I put up a post on Facebook. I don't remember quite what I said, but it was something about toasting a Cliff Bar. Thus this idea stuck in my mind for days, until I finally got one at a gas station on my way home Saturday night.

Here is the story unfolding...


The story begins at about 1am Saturday night at Nathan Walters' house. As you can see here, the crunchy peanut butter Cliff Bar was about to meet its toasty friend... the toaster!


The Cliff Bar began toasting in the toaster as seen above. I cannot tell you why the toast is a neon green in this. It may be because the light socket behind it was neon green, but what the hell do I know? This was a daring move for me. I mean come on Cliff Bars are not exactly cheap, but they sure as hell are good. Did I ruin it? Did I toast it? Did I lose it forever?


Rule #1) Do not put a Cliff Bar in a conventional toaster. A toaster oven or microwave maybe, but not an upright "I pop up when I'm done" toaster. It was hell trying to get it out of there. The Cliff Bar started to melt rather than become crispy like I had hoped it would. Part of the bar had stuck to the bottom of the toaster. Very inconvenient. Never the less the eat was good. Chris Kee found the taste to be bad for some reason. Hey, I thought it tasted like hot crunchy peanut butter that had some melting going on. Then again, what the hell do I know?


But before the Cliff Bar made its last endeavor into my stomach, we decided to be immature 19 year olds (With the exception of Nathan who is 17). By golly we turned that Cliff Bar into what any teenage this decade would do. That is turn it into a reference of a piece of hot shit. I swear I make more references to a piece of poop than most people actually take one. As you can see Chris put in his thumbs up as a sign of approval so that young children may read and/or see these pictures.

This ones for you toasted, but melted Cliff Bar/ imitation piece of hot shit. I finish my glass of orange juice for you. For you brought Chris, Nathan, and I a good five minutes of joy.

Tales From the Dairy Case

So I have been working for Winn Dixie in the grocery department for almost a year now. There are horror stories and lore of magic going down in that little store. However, one story continues to rest itself every time I work. No, not Deja Vous, but a sick twisted mind that is oh so cleaver.

I call the person the Gustafson!

Everyday I come in I find an empty to a "one last sip to go" bottle of Gustafson's chololate milk. The bottle is about 16oz in weight, give or take an overload or error.


Now I don't mind that the person is stealing some chocolate milk. I mean come on, chocolate milk is pretty awesome. It combines two of the most sacred things: Milk (A common household beverage) and Chocolate (A plague of sweetness in your mouth that may or may not bring sexual arousal-ness).

What I care about is that its GUSTAFSON'S MILK!!!!! Have you seen the picture on the bottle!?!?! Its mad! Please excuse my picture taken from my phone, it does not take the sheer terror into focus.

See the rather plump older gentlemen behind his wife in the seal. The man's face reads "I beat my wife with a baseball bat of money, while drinking my own fatty milk!" Then the wife, so skinny and unhappy to the eye of the beholder. Then if you take a detour out of the seal you see the cattle from which the milk comes from. Yes yes, we see it now. Get your best cow in the picture! All the others are too week to stand from being underfed! Maybe thats why the milk tastes so darn rich? Its not vitamin D added, but malnurisment added!

But hey I could be wrong. Heck, I haven't had that kind of milk in years. Since I have gone vegan, I don't even remember what milk really tastes like.

On a sour note ending, "Up yours Mr. Gustafson!"

Lies to Flush

Since I've been home from Guatemala I haven't done much. I went and saw Trash Talk play the day after I got home. That was a good welcome home for me anyway. Other than that I've been working like crazy.

I put my convincing lies to the test and called Tommy Cantwell. I told him that I went sky diving a few days ago. now the only way to make this story true is by adding shit into the conversation. So I said

Instructer- You ready to go?

Me- No!

Instructer- What? Go? Okay!

Then I told him I got so scared that I shit my pants a little bit froma ll the adrenaline I was experiencing from the jump. Tommy believed me haha.

Here is a drawing of the happy moments of working at Winn Dixie/ Dirty Dixie/ Winn DickMe... enjoy.

In other news, I should be buying some mustache handlebars for my fixed gear soon. They look comfortable and I figured I would try them out. With that being said I believe I should grow out my handlebar mustache I had the beginning on senior year in high school.

The steps I will take:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2070325_grow-handlebar-mustache.html

Under The Rock

Well I've been back from Guatemala for almost two weeks now. The last weekend there destroyed everything inside of my bowels. I am still feeling a little bit of the affects of the pasta.

*Note to everyone: Never eat pasta in Central America

I'd draw something or write more, but I am far to lazy.

Its my day off.

Oh Lando

Chris and I decided to make a trek to Orlando. The last time we did this via bicycle was back in December for TIFY Fest. This trip was long overdue and we had yet to ride our fixies that far.
Chris and I took a breather just getting into Sanford. We took a long hard gander at the river below us. I contemplated jumping for the sheer joy of doing it. Chris would have liked to see me die.
This is Chris and I just getting into Longwood. We decided to stop here and talk each other out of suicide. If your not familiar with Longwood along 17-92 I'll tell you its pretty shitty. Not much to see and more broken bottles to avoid than redneck outing. The only thing keeping us alive were the nice smoothies we enjoyed in Lake Mary at Maui Smoothies. I had a peanut butter, chocolate, and banana smoothie. Chris had something with pomergantie if I remember correctly.
Chris and I ran in Mario while in either Casselberrry or Winter Park. We had to high tail it from some Koopa Troopas. They were lean, mean, green turtle shell hucking machines. I was suprised Mario could keep up with us while we were "fixing it" (lol) at about 30mph.
Chris and I had finally reached Orlando. It took us about 3 1/2 hours counting out breaks that we took. I don't think it was too bad on time either. We went to meet up with Dylan and Cy at Tijuana Flats. We were graced with the presents of some of their friends as well. There was a little secret passing going around the table to unveil a surprise. The secret was to all sing Morgan happy birthday. Chris twisted the version of the story to bash me like usual. He then corrected the secret being passed around the table. After Tijuana Flats we parted ways with Morgan and friends and headed to Dyland and Cy's house for some "alone time."
Chris is now contemplating plastic surgery to look like Bert of Sesame Street to get the ladies. I prefer to look like shit.

Lukes Favorite Thing

So this past weekend there was a vegan potluck before a Kingdom show in Daytona. I decided to whip up something nice for everyone.

I had a few bananas in the freezer that I was saving to make some banana bread. I converted to a vegan diet the that week, so I thought it was going to be a treat.

That night I gathered some supplies from work to make the bread. I found out the only thing I needed to buy was sugar that wasn't refined through bone char and applesauce. Along with that I got nutmeg, baking soda, and some wheat flour. I didn't need any of that. I need to open my eyes more in the cupboards.

I found a recipe online and began to make some bread. The first batch looked a little dry so I doubled the applesauce size. Still looked a little dry.

Once it came out it looked like this...

I made a huge mistake. This doesn't look good at all haha. My mother couldn't help just try a piece. She then spit it out and said it taste just like baking soda. My dyslexic eyes read 3/4 cup of baking soda instead of 3/4 teaspoon. I know... I'm an idiot.

I threw that thing away. It did take the nasty smell out of my garbage barrel. I was going to give it to Chris Kee as a joke, but I didn't feel like putting in my backpack and taking it to him.

I then made some more bread and did it the right way. It looked like this...

Holy shit, let me tell you, this was good as hell. I took it to Chris' house and then to the show. I asume it was good to everyone else since I only got a small piece of it.

The Hawk

So this blog will be continued as a crappy comic of events that happen to me. I'll point out the horrible things I draw and make fun of everything. I only will only do these with one shot, no wasting paper.


This past Wednesday I had to turn in a paper to my English teacher Dr. Hawkins. I do not like this woman. She should not be teaching. That is besides the point.


Dr. Hawkins began the class by collecting the papers we wrote. They were supposed to be at least 3 pages long. She drew closer to me and my friend Jessica Reddy rose from her seat. Her papers were un-stapled. Dr. Hawkins took a quick hawk like glare at the papers. She then burst out in a hungry hippo rage. She began to yell "For God sakes its the third month of school and you can't have your papers prepared before you come to class?" Dr. Hawkins then stormed out of the class room after throwing a yellow folder. Everyone in the class snickered and commented on her juevinile way of handling a simple problem. Dr. Hawkins emgered back into the class room with a stapler that she had taken from her office, just a two second walk from our class room. She then started to ramble on about having everything ready. I looked around the room to see that everyone was out in "La-La" land and ignoring her. My guess was that they were still giggling about how she got so worked up over un-stapled papers.


This is a math problem of what happend a few days ago.

Story Time

So I spent the night at my buddy Richards house one night. It happened to be extremely cold for this time of year. It was continually cold the next day. I was planning on riding my bike from his house to the DSC campus. His father offered me a ride about half way. I accepted his offer.

Once I was let out I began my trek down New York ave. I didn't have gloves so I decided to ride no hands and put them in my jacket pockets. This turned out to be a fatal mistake. If you know New York ave then you know its shitty. Its made like a bad sidewalk. Anyway my wheel went into a poorly filled crack and my weight shifted. This caused the front wheel to turn sideways. You might have guessed what happened next. I began to fly. Fly like a penguin that is. Lucky for me I got my hands out of my pockets in time to absorb some shock. I then rolled most of the fall out. My feet stayed inside my clips, so my bike went with me a ways. THe back wheel was then hit very hard on the ground. My rim was then bent slightly.

I arose from the fall in a "Whaowhatthefuck" fashion. I got my bike and continued on to school. I felt certain areas of my body hurt. Later I found out that my left forearm and shoulder were a little scratched. Somehow my left ankle was scratched near the Achillies tendon. My guess is it was the pedals that did the trick.

I arived at school late.

I got a ride to the bike shop to talk to BST (Bike Shop Teddy).

He fixed it the next day.

I ride with hands now (Well not all the time).

Two days off from work is awesome.

I hate family gatherings.

And Chris Kee.

And Charles Chaussinand.

Here is a hand drawn dramatization I made. I spent a long time drawing them. Even longer installing my step-dad's scanner. His computer was in the shop.

Looking

At schools to transfer to. Its a tight race between UF and FSU. I'm leaning on getting a masters in teaching anthropology in the sociocultural aspect. From that it looks like UF is has the lead. Only time will tell. I'd like to go to FSU though. I have friends there and kind of know the city. I haven't been to Gainsville in years. Anyway, education is key, not so much hanging out. I've got time.

In Other News

Done

No more metalcore ever again.

Progress in regression

The more I keep going on with this life I live, I know it doesn't suit me. Surrounded by brick walls. I return to them most nights of the week. No this is not home, this is just a house. Taking classes that have no meaning to what I want to do. Curse the AA requirements!

Living out of a backpack and in a field sounds better. I different place every night if I choose. I will not be homeless. That term seems to be incorrect in my eyes. I want to be houseless. Home can be wherever choose to make it. Comprehending this might be hard, but it is bliss in my mind.

Soon.

Jessie Said So

So I will put down my little rant of Valentines Day. As you might of guessed, I think this is a useless holiday. Valentines Day is a day out of our 365 (366 on a leap year!) days in a year dedicated to love. On that day many people go out and by each other random crap (chocolate, stuffed animals, etc.) or go out to show how much they love one another. Buying someone something or taking them out does not have to be a sign of love. You can take your least favorite boss out for lunch and all that jazz as well and not love her/him. Valentines Day is just another day for someone to make money off you. Its kind of like an obligation with this holiday to spend money to show love. Love should be felt continuously between the individuals. Plus you shouldn't have to wait and be reminded for a holiday like Valentines Day to do something special for a loved one.

V-Day= Not in my book.


Do something any other day and don't spend money if you don't have to.

-T-legs

Day B

Well I'm turning 19 here in less than two hours. I don't like growing old and all the shit that comes with it.

I need to be a better friend. I haven't given enough time to the people that I really love and have been there for me for years.

AFI is way too good.

Rise

Somehow I go off and do some awesome things. Then those get shadowed by other things that put me in the lowest of lows. The smallest things regenerate a smile on my face.

I believe this continues

I liked doing that blog about cursing and I liked the peoples imput on it as well sent via Myspace.

If you haven't read it I would read it
before you read this. This read has more to do with modern and old ways of cursing rather than what I believe are curse words or not.

I did a tiny bit of digging into the world of cursing, or more so into books of cursing. I found the next book I will most likely purchase and it is called "Cursing in America" by Timothy Jay. After I read this article
with some comments by him I figured this would be a good read. I just read a few summaries on the book and I got some things I'd like to share out of it. I'd like to start out by saying even if you don't use a "curse word" by saying anything of a negative nature towards someone you are technically cursing someone. You do not need a certain word to curse someone. Curse words are different with each passing year. I never really realized it though. I'm pretty young, but even still I've seen a few evolutions into and of curse words. Douche bag is one of them. I have been known to say this quite often actually. From watching moives to hearing what people think about the word it seems as it is a new distastful word that could devlop into a curse word. If we asked our grandparents what were curse words back then they would say things like shoot, shucks (I guess those would be a modern day shit), gee, jeepers (damn or damnit?), and even for crying out loud. Its okay to say those things now even though I haven't heard those phrases or words said since the black and white version of "Leave it to Beaver." Why are those words okay to say now and the modern day ones not? They mean the same thing even if it has been over a span of time. People were scolded for using those words so why not now? Now I think if your going to abstain from any form of cursing you better look up all of them or I'd say you aren't true to your word. I don't care if its lost its meaning over the years. Shit will eventually lose its vulgar meaning as shoot did. Who knows shit might actually mean good about fifty years from now.

(2059 dialog prediction)

Man: (In awe) Wow! You look like shit ma'am.
Woman: (flattered and winks) Why thank you, your looking pretty shitty yourself.

Getting done

In a week or so I will be able to pay off my school tuition for this semester. I'm extremely stoked and happy I can do this. I will then be able to buy some things that I really want. Such things as a new bike and a new bass. Some of my friends were surprised that I came up with the money so fast. When you don't have a car and don't have to pay for gas and insurance the money adds up quickly. School starts the 20th of this month. I'm not looking forward to math and science, but I gotta get it done to get my teaching degree.

Yeah that is pretty much it.

On my mind and now in my blog

I figured I'd write something about my thoughts on using curse words. It sounds silly I know, but until I thought about what I was saying, I realized I was using words I shouldn't. What are the curse words we use today? Ass, damn, fuck, shit, etc. What are these words up close though? They are just shortened words from common ones, but given a meaning of vulgarity. I'd like to call these words basic cursing because you can use them with anything. These words are not racial slurs. Personally I don't believe that these are curse words or words that should be forbidden to say. Why do I believe this? I believe that these words are just other shorter ways of saying other words and people over the years have just declared them curses. This may have occurred through many ways(Look up the history of the words if you want and don't use religious books). I see no difference in saying "Your a piece of shit" apposed to "Your a piece of poop." Its the same sentence with a different word. Why is saying "Fuck you" an offense to people? I believe its because we have an understanding that those words are meant to be offensive and want to take them that way. I do have a problem with racial/sexual/handicapped slurs and I believe that is where the real hate is at. Calling people chinks, crackers, niggers, towel heads, etc is down right fucking stupid to me. There is no reason at all why you should say any of those things to a person of a different race. By saying those words you are the regression and you are dividing humanity. Then there is calling people/things "gay" or "retarded." People are brought in this world without a choice in what color they will be, what sexual preference they will have, or if they are born with a mental/physical handicap. I know too many people that wont say "curse words." Instead that put in place words in society that are not in the category of "cursing." If something doesn't go right or someone doesn't do something right they are not "gay" or "retarded." More than likely we think by replacing "Your a dumb ass" with "Your retarded" we are not saying something bad because it does not involve a "curse word." You can grow up and choose to be a dumb ass by not making good decisions and putting yourself in a rut. You can't however grow out of a mental handicap. I am a person that used those words in place of the societal "curse words" we have today .Every time I said racial/sexist/handicapped slurs I felt the need to look around to see if there was a person that might take offense to what I had said. I have not fully cured myself of saying these things, but I am making an effort to.

Just something to think about.

-Tyler Legacy